Monday, December 10th, was one of Etta's worst days thus far. She was extremely fussy and seemed so uncomfortable it nearly broke our hearts. We could do next to nothing to comfort her, and had to resort to sedation medication a few times to help her calm down. When we would try to hold her, she was rooting around for something to eat, which she couldn't have. It was so hard to realize that holding my baby made her uncomfortable and more fussy then when she was lying in that sterile baby bin incubator. Spencer and I were both extremely frustrated and upset throughout most of the day. On the way home from the hospital we were listening to a conference talk by Jeffery B. Eyring where he spoke about recording the Lord's hand in our lives. Something he said really struck me, motivating this post: I recorded daily the Lord's hand in my life so my children could rely on this later. I knew that it was time to begin noting and recognizing the tender mercies of the Lord, so I began a list:
- Looking around at Etta's neighbors, I know things could be a lot worse. Etta is comfortably breathing on her own and is the considered the "fat" baby in the NICU, even though she has lost a whole pound since birth. She was born at 40 week, 6 days with fully mature lungs, a functioning circulatory system, and is not easily overstimulated. I can hold her, touch her, and sing/talk to her whenever I please. I spoke with another mom whose baby has been in the NICU for 2 months, born at 23 weeks old who has no such luxuries.
- I'm very grateful for a wonderful husband who is not afraid to let people see him cry, hear him sing to Etta, or watch him make silly voices and faces to amuse her. In fact, when he does these things, especially singing, I happened to look around to see the entire pod of nurses watching and I overheard some conversations about wanting to be working on the pod with the "Dad who sings."
- Etta could have easily been born early, since I developed high blood pressure about 6 weeks before delivery. However, the issue resolved itself and was normal after about 2 weeks. If she had been born early, respiratory issues would have been likely, making her bowel surgery impossible until those were resolved.
- My recovery has actually been quick and relatively painless. I couldn't imagine recovering from a C-section and having Etta in the NICU. I have been able to manage my pain with Tylenol once a day and seem to be recovering without complications.
- I have a wonderful support system. Many family members and friends have stepped in at a moment's notice to help us and offer support. I am grateful for the power of the priesthood and the blessings I have received from Spencer and my Dad.
Although this list is nowhere near finished, I realize that although I may feel "discouraged and feel that all is lost," that our family has not been left alone and that Lord is mindful of us.
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